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Thursday, May 8, 2008

Brokenness

It was a rainy night. Dark clouds shadowed the skies. Thunder and lightning rumbled across the heavens and the trees bowed in adoration and awe of the mighty wind. Little children were screaming in fright. Even adults trembled in fear willing the storm to be over. I was numb from the pain, oblivious to my surroundings. For all I cared the world could burn down in an instant. It would still have made no sense. What was life anyway? Who cared if we lived or perished? My mind was in absolute turmoil, the storm within greater than the one without. At intervals, I got curious stares from those around, but nobody asked any questions. Everyone pondered over his own inner thoughts and left me to burn in my own private hell.

I thought this love was forever. I could have sworn we were soul mates, made for each other. Is this how it felt to be heartbroken? I could feel the life draining from my quivering flesh, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces wounding my insides and scaring my soul. I knew in that instant I would never love again. There wasn’t enough of me to give away. I had become an incomplete woman, one who was once cherished and valued for her emotional independence. What I wouldn’t give to be in the arms of the one who promised to love me forever…just one more time. I’d give my arm and leg just to hear the words I once took for granted from the one who vowed to never bring me to this point.

That night marked the beginning of the end for me in many ways, after he told me it was over. Just like that. No explanation. No backward glance. One minute he was there, and the next he was gone. Later, my friends would try to tell me I’m better off without him. The bunch of liars. What do they know?




Today, I’m as weak as I was that night. I can’t concentrate on anything. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. The memories are drowning my spirit. I hate him but I hate me even more. For allowing myself to give of me so freely, trustingly and with a reckless abandon. I smile but all they see is a frown. I try to speak but all they hear are sobs. Maybe I should take a vacation or maybe I should just die. I hear them laughing at me, “she always thought she was better than us!” they say in scorn.

I’m losing me…yes I feel me departing, from this temple I always thought I’d reside in for a long while to come…what have I done? Where am I? I’m confused. This must be what it feels like to be insane. I’m broken…

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

@ naijachickito
Girl pls tell me erything is okay with u n boo!

if its not, then u have 2 know that life goes on, its not the end of ur life. N althousg u r hurt right now, u WILL learn to love again :D.

goodnaijagirl said...

I really hope that this is a work of fiction.

If it isn't, I'm really sorry. A woman as great as you deserves the best and maybe this is God's way of saying you didn't have it. You will though. Believe. Feel better soon.

(I'm still hoping this is a work of fiction.)

onydchic said...

Um... I won't say anything until you assure me you aren't referring to Boo.

ARE YOU?!?! ANSWER MEEEE!!

30+ said...

Please tell me this is fiction!

ablackjamesbond said...

I know i am repeating what others have already asked, but please tell me this is fiction.

bumight said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

so you're practicing creative writing, right?

Jaycee said...

Naija chickito...darling what's going on? R u ok? Is this merely POETRY...

Charizard said...

Geez I'd hate for all of us to be sounding the same horn...buh even though I kinda anticipate that its true...I wish it wasnt...and u know w@s funny its jus not so long ago that we were reeling from ur last post abau ur aunt nau c...gosh...I pray the good Lord comforts u and heals ur broken heart love....

Naijadude said...

I would hope its fiction likewise!

Nice Anon said...

Wow! Say it ain't so

pink gloves said...

if this is true, my sister, you must take heart. You cant let this drive u up the wall. God will make a way for you.

rethots said...

Simply expressive.

QMoney said...

i am soooooooooooo sure i would give a million bucks for it.
this is work of fiction!!
dis is d part where u come out and say sumtin!
Nice poem.....even if i dont really like it!!
Young lady,hola back like now!!

QMoney said...

for someone dat has never slept wit her boo,u wont use d phrase "give of me so freely,trustingly and with reckless abandon..."
You can compose sha ooh!!come out and talk cos i have a word of advice for the person dat wrote it if it's real cos am sure it isnt u....its either fiction or someon sent it to you!!

La Reine said...

Fiction: Way to show d pain, girl.

Non-fiction: As trite as I sound, things will get better.

-Care to clear things up for your blogville fam??

Ms. emmotions said...

.....am going with my intuition here,
if this is not for you then it have been for you.....

will check on u again,

hugs***

darkelcee said...

this has to be a form of creative writing now?

pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee confirm its not true!

(¯`·._.·[***Fresh&Fab***]·._.·´¯) said...

eeeh, are you joking chickito, you and boo, nah lie

how can

Anonymous said...

it is a lie

Ladi said...

Confused!

zara said...

is it or is it not true?? u and boo?? NO WAY...

creative writing? YES WAY...
**fingers crossed**

Abby said...

hey...
hope everything is alrite with u and BOO.....
pls let us know!!!

onydchic said...

chickito come on!!!
Talk to us! Dont leave us hanging!!!

Simi Speaks said...

omg, am so so sorry to hear about this.. gosh, dunno what to say! am lost.

this too shall pass. hang in there, love..

fantasy queen said...

this has to be fiction...it is yeah? you being creative?

*sigh* shove the dirt off your shoulder and ut on a freshly laundered dress.

Naapali said...

I know this is fiction even if you have tried to play wayo and not told us so. I know it is fiction because though we have not met Boo, we have met you and know that you and Boo (YouBoo) do not roll like that.

"I could feel the life draining from my quivering flesh, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces wounding my insides and scaring my soul."
- loved it.

Naija Chickito said...

First of all, I know you all won't believe me, but I didn't mean to cause a sensation. This is purely a work of FICTION!!
I didn't know what to write that Thursday, so I just started punching the keys on my keyboard and believe it or not, this was the result.
Maybe some 5,6 years ago, yes, this would have been real. Like Ms Emotions guessed, I've been here before, but that's such a long time ago. Sorry guys. Would have cleared it up on Friday, but I was out of town for the weekend.

Thanks to all of you for the support!! Lol. At least if anything happens, I'll know y'all got my back!

anonymous gal said...

u are being poetic rite??? i hope u are being poetic shei. talk to us were are u. is this 4 real??? ok i read ur comment phew.
tagged u

Naija Chickito said...

anonymous-Everything is ok! Thanks.

goodnaijagirl-It is a work of fiction girl! Thank you so much.

onydchic-Ok, you should have know better my dear! Come on!!

30+-You guessed it.

ablackjamesbond-Yes boss. It is fiction.

bumight-Yes babes. I got so bored, decided to flex my fingers.

jaycee-Is it poetry? Never saw it as Poetry!

charizard-No babes, it is not true o! When I don't have anything to write about, but I feel I must write, I just start writing. My fingers do the writing. I just check in from time to time to see if I'm making any sense. Sometimes, I do, sometimes, I don't.

naijadude-My brother, yep, it is.

pinkgloves-Amen, God will always make a way, but I'm foine!!

rethots-Well, Thank You!

qmoney-Lol, Lol, Lol. Laughed so hard when I read this comment. You are right on the money, qmoney!

qmoney-I wrote this. It is me. I've felt this way before, but not any more.

la reine-I guess things are cleared up already? Thanks love.

darkelcee-itsssssss notttttttt truuuueeee...

F&F-My brotha. Nothing do me and Boo o.

anonymous-na lie.

ladi- I'm sure you ain't no more.

zara- Yay! Creative writing. I like the sound of that....creative writing...hmmm

abby-it is all good.

onydchic-lol

simi speaks-Awww thanks...lol

FQ-Yeah, you got that right!

naapali- This comment cracked me up the most. 'YouBoo'? Someone watches too much E!
Thanks for loving it.

30+ said...

Naijachickito, oya bring your ears let me pull them.

*30+ pulls chickito's ear very hard just like the integrated teacher used to pull hers, while chickito grimaces with pain, she warns her sternly 'You should put Disclaimer/Fiction sign next time, OKAY'*

*Chickito nods her head obediently 'yes aunty, I am sorry'*

LG said...

Chickito,which kind aprilfool be dis..., we are in May o

Mommy said...

Nonsense and Ingredient... The next time this kind of fiction comes into that ya head again, 30+ and I would be there to pull your ears the way the Integrated Science and Math Teacher would do.
*kissing teeth*

Naija Chickito said...

30+-yes aunty, I'm truly sorry. *sniff sniff* My ears are still hurting from the pulling.:-(

Ig-No be April fool oh. Sorry, abeg, no vex...lol

mommy-I'm sorry ma. E ma binu. Please. lol

Ollay said...

Ah...chickito, you almost tore my heart out. You're a bad girl o. I dont even know what to say. Am not talking to you no more...lol

onydchic said...

i hate you.

onydchic said...

actually in my defence, I would never have thought anything of it.. but everyone was being so alarm-y, and you weren't replying. Whats a girl to think?

NikkiSab said...

lol!!! Fiction!!!

Afrobabe said...

Wow, I really prayed for ur sake it was fiction....kai,no play that kind play again oh....see temperature rising...

The Indecent One..... said...

wow...dont u ever, evr! scare pple like this again! WTH?!

guerreiranigeriana said...

nicely written...way to give your readers a heart attack!!!:)...

princesa said...

This is one hella wicked post chickito!!
I was already crying for you sef.
I had to read the post twice to be sure i wasnt dreaming.
Thank God it is fiction

...it was a great read tho.

Jaycee said...

You scared us a lirrule...lollll...

Free-flowing Florida said...

Lord, wot happened?

Free-flowing Florida said...

kai, just read d comments! dis girl, u don nearly give me hypertension!

Uzezi said...

dont ever do such a thing again. i read that post thrice, wondering if i missed a previous one, didnt see anything that hinted trouble, then all the comments of fiction, and i said yes, it had to be. then u said it had to be.

stop this kind play. it's not april first, and u have written so sweetly about boo, that u almost made me love scared.

take ur time

Charizard said...

Iswear you had me going there o...I thhot u and Boo (YouBoo) had called it fade...please dont scare us like that again abeg...

(¯`·._.·[***Fresh&Fab***]·._.·´¯) said...

ah chickito, u for put disclamer, ah, glad to know u too are fine

i was tripping, my favourite blogsville couple lol..its a fantastic peice then

holla

zara said...

PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now we all can breath.. but no more heart stopping pieces abeg.. just nice stories bout u and boo.. aitte? lol

anonymous gal said...

chickito this ur post na wah o. yes 30+ thanks 4 pullin her ear.haba.seriously if u had heard my hat beating...

LG said...

just checking up on u gurl,

hope u r gud.

Pink-satin said...

lol lol..so all na fiction!

ibiluv said...

nicely written..........

now if this is someone's story...
wish her luck cos i am glad to know u and boo are still on the way to cleaving together.......*wink*.......

onydchic said...

CHICKITO WHERE ARE YOU NAAAA????

Jual Vimax Di Bogor said...

thank you for artcl